Girls (and boys) on film

Ah, sex. My favourite topic.

As Aaron Strickler sees things, the world would be better off if others could see him having sex on film.

"Filming sex is fun and bringing joy and levity to other people is the biggest thing we can do in this life," he said before he premiered a short film of explicit footage in a split-screen, black-and-white format.

Strickler, 36, and the other six finalists at San Francisco's Amateur Erotic Film Competition were following a long tradition of homemade porn that has often helped inspire the mainstream industry.

I don't know who Aaron Strickler is, nor do I think I want to see him on video. No, I don't think the world would be a better place if I DID see him on video. But it got me thinking a little.

Have you put yourself on film before? Ever thought about it? What do you think about taping yourself? And what's that you say? Who? Me? Sorry? Lil'ol me?

I confess I haven't really thought about it. Yes, I've been captured on film for all god's forsaken eternity. But I didn't instigate it, didn't desire it. The camera was just.... there. And rolling. But you really don't think about it after the first minute or two because you're so.... *ahem*.... involved with other things.

And the first time I saw myself on film? I remember thinking Holy Shit. What the fuck is that bloody bloated whale of a person doing??? Delete! Delete! Delete! Heh. Most thrilling, eh?

But the funny thing? The funny thing about home movies is tha one really doesn't care if the film is rolling or not. A home movie looks exactly like what it is. Bad acting, poor editing, and a horrific plot (if any, at all) But pictures..... ah, pictures...... pictures can be so damned sexy.

You know it's deliberate.
You know someone's watching you carefully and oh-so-intimately..
You know someone's thinking about how you're positioning yourself.
You know that very self same same person is wondering how to position themselves around *you*.
It's intense, it's voyeuristic, and it's very very sensual.


Heh. Just my 2 cents worth.

Doh!

Activated for the evening. Ended up working 12 hours. ARGH!
On a Monday. Double ARGH!!

Monday sees a shitload of people on medical leave and that leaves the remaining staff scrambling. To boot, Monday is traditionally a firefighting day. The call influx is crap and people are highly strung. You get logged in forcibly so you don't even have to chance to follow up on all the requests that you've promised customers.

I'm lucky.
I started using PCs only when I started working. But because of my background, became pretty comfortable with computers. I toggle between about 4 main databases and, with a lot of swearing, manage to keep myself logged in and all requests fulfilled.

But I digress. I wanted to share with you a snippet of conversation

- after a particularly long, convoluted conversation using small words of less than 5 characters -

Customer : So late, you still at work?
Me : Yes ma'am. We operate around the clock.
Customer :What time you stop work?
Me : Only at 9PM ma'am.
Customer : So early? You say open all the time? Why go back so early?
Me : The hotline operates 24/7. I do not.

*shudders*
She's out there.... breeding.... with kids. This job, albeit supposedly a part time one, is teaching me more and more about human nature. And my new mantra for the time being is slowly solidifying.


Please. Don't have kids. Stupidity is inherited.

Looks can be deceiving

Going through all my files. Saving what I want, discarding the superfluous. Came across a pic taken in 2004.



Don't I look (haha) most decent?

I think this was taken when Shang was doing some sort of promotion and they were profiling the managers involved. I DO remember, however, grimacing for the picture hoping like hell the hair was hotel-regulation OK. My god, but luxury hotels are bloody dress code nazis.


And of course, there's no inkling that I'm really rather potty mouthed :o

Distraction

Spent the day in bed. Feeling better.
Might do a walkie later on but for now, it's the latest distraction courtesy of WildRun. :)

Not a good day.

- RANT ALERT -

Today has not been a good day.

I took off for a walk, frustrated and feeling quite irritated with my MasterChief. Walked to a nearby entertainment centre to try and get one of my favourite foods, figuring comfort food (satay! yum!) and the walk there and back would ease my mood.

Not to be, alas.

I left my food, a full bottle of mineral water, a full packet of tissus, and my opened book to indicate that someone was coming back to the table. Obviously I was going to take my bag, wallet and mobile phone with me.

Walked around the corner, all of 20 steps, to purchase my tea. And I came back not a minute later to find a cleaner throwing away all my things. All that was left on the table was my book.

Mind. A FULL bottle of mineral water, a FULL packet of tissues obviously unopened and a goddamned fucking BOOK. Oh yes, and did I tell you, a FULL plate of food?

What? Can't you see? Do you think people will leave their WATER? And their TISSUE? ALL FULL? And a bloody BOOK? If they are not coming back? Why did you clear away my dinner? My FOOD? What happened to my things? Are you going to buy me back my dinner? Did you intend to throw away my book as well??

And to make it worse, the cleaner takes out my bottle and my tissue packet and places it back on the fucking table. Out of the dirty bucket which holds the remains of other diners' leftovers. Doesn't bother to wipe it down. Mumbles something. Doesn't look repentant at ALL.

What? Are you stupid? You expect me to drink from that bottle? You expect me to use the tissue? How clean do you think they will be?

And guess what? The guy says, very clearly: you go buy another bottle.

Fuck you. Fuck your mother. And fuck the goddamned fucking genes in your family that produced such inherent stupidity and gall.

You know what's the worse part? It wasn't even an expensive dinner. My roti john cost me all of $3. Mineral water? $1.55. Don't even talk about stupid tissue paper. I was just so mad that the man was so stupid and unrepentant. Stupid lousy dinner less than 5 bucks. I cannot believe I am going to kick up a fuss for a miserable 5 bucks. But if you're unrepentant. And if you show me cheek. Sorry, motherfucker, you're going down.

No, that's not the worst part. There's more. I got the name of the cleaner and the company from another cleaner who did apologise. Not his fault. Nice of him. Apparent, this fucking idiot has buggered other diners as well.

WORST part? A group of 4 people, all men, were sitting right next to my table and didn't stop the cleaner. Instead, they stared openly and grinned as I walked back and forth, and as I was confronting the idiot cleaner. As I passed them by, I stopped, and raised my voice, said Good! Fine! Did you enjoy the show? Wow. I could have slapped each and every one of them.

Bah! I can't believe I'm still mad. At the same time, I cannot believe the temerity of that cleaner! Gross stupidity like tonight's really offends me. It really gets me going. ARGH!


My god, but Bernie is right. I'm hermitizing myself. And I'm happy to do so!!

Peeved

I am more than a little peeved with the MasterChief right now.

I must be the only women in the world who doesn't know where her errant partner is. And I won't know, probably, for another fucking 6 months.


He has some explaining to do.


UPDATE - OPEN NOTE.

Do not ask me to calm down.
Asking me to calm down has ALWAYS had the opposite effect as per intended.

So long as I'm still cussin' I'll be all right. I can still laugh.

You SHOULD stay the fuck away from me when I *stop* swearing, and when the words get very precise, very enunciated. That's the defining line.

Underpants!

This was just too weird.

Richmond, British Columbia will spend C$16,000 ($14,200) to buy six pairs of underwear for each firefighter in a bid to make firehalls in the suburb of Vancouver more gender neutral, a newspaper reported on Tuesday.

"We supply firefighters with various pieces of gear such as gloves, now it's underwear," city official Ted Townsend told the Vancouver Sun, saying it was part of the "integration of the sexes in the workplace."

What. No tighty whities? So how does boxer shorts make it more gender neutral then? I would imagine that if the men left their boys to swing free, they'd be in mortal danger whilst fighting fires.


I just don't get it :o

Sexsomniacs

I've learnt a new word this evening.
And it is Sexsomniacs. (Damn my online thirst for knowledge)

Essentially, it describes a condition in which people engage in sexual activities while asleep. "Sexsomnia has some distinct features that separate it from sleepwalking. The automatic arousal is more prominent, motor activities are relatively restricted and specific, and some form of dream mentation is often present.....

Sexsomnia can affect both men and women. While the causes are unknown, researchers suspect stress, chronic sleepiness, or alcohol or drug abuse may play a role. Seizure disorders, an injury to the brain, or a history of physical or sexual abuse may also be triggers. In some cases, nocturnal sex may be considered "odd but still within present social norms," the authors write, "particularly if the partner is a willing participant." In fact, some sexsomniacs are apparently better lovers unconscious than they are awake.

At first, I laughed. Sniggered. And then I came across this.

JK, a 27-year-old married nightclub bouncer, was referred to the third author by his wife’s psychiatrist. She had complained that her husband frequently sexually assaulted her while she was sleeping. Criminal charges had been laid, and she was considering leaving the marriage. Mr K had admitted engaging in attempted cunnilingus and sexual intercourse with his sleeping wife. He claimed he was aware of these activities only because his wife told him. Apparently, he had no recollection of the events. He admitted to past voyeuristic activities and sexual arousal from having sex with his wife when she was “tied up.” In addition, they had engaged in mutually consenting swinging.” He had a history of multiple-substance abuse, which was in remission at the time of the assessment. His sleep history was significant for snoring and a personal (as well as family) history of sleepwalking. His wife also described instances in which he screamed and talked in his sleep. He had daytime sleepiness which he self-treated by consuming up to 30 cups of coffee a day and by taking “power naps.”

Results of an overnight sleep study showed evidence of several abrupt and spontaneous arousals from slow-wave sleep (SWS) associated with increased heart rate and compatible with a diagnosis of parasomnia. In addition, a high Respiratory Disturbance Index and decreased oxygen saturation were noted, diagnostic of sleep apnea. Mr K and his wife consented to undergo a second sleep study in their home in which a sleep EEG recording of Mr K was made while they were videotaped. The PSG record again revealed PSG features consistent with parasomnia and sleep apnea. However, no sexual activity was observed on the video recording or reported by the couple on this occasion.

Following treatment with continuous positive airway pressure (CPAP), Mr K’s sexual activities with his wife while they were sleeping stopped completely. Two months after beginning CPAP (in which time there were no nocturnal sexual assaults), Mr K discontinued CPAP because of “discomfort.” Nocturnal sexual assaults resumed wwithin 2 weeks and ceased again when CPAP was reinstituted.

Damn. Not funny anymore.
More case studies can be found here, as documented by the The Canadian Journal of Psychiatry in 2003


And it's some scary shit.....

Suckheads. For real?

Here's something concrete for those who wonder about vampires

University of Central Florida physics professor Costas Efthimiou's work debunks peudoscientific ideas, such as vampires and zombies, in an attempt to enhance public literacy. Not only does the public believe in such topics, but the percentages are at dangerously high level, Efthimiou told
LiveScience.....

.....Efthimiou's debunking logic: On Jan 1, 1600, the human population was 536,870,911. If the first vampire came into existence that day and bit one person a month, there would have been two vampires by Feb. 1, 1600. A month later there would have been four, and so on. In just two-and-a-half years the original human population would all have become vampires with nobody left to feed on.

I can't believe a man of science would sit down and try and debunk something as inane as vampires. Maybe he has a sense of humour?


What is Florida famous for anyways? *chuckles*

The great divide

I'm always happy to see progress in the great divide that is same sex marriage

Yes, I am pro same sex marriage.

(No, just not for me personally, thanks very much :o)

Oh my

This is turning out to be quite a crappy week, work wise.

The only up side? The haze, courtesy of bloody Indonesia, seems to have cleared up. I actually saw snippets of blue sky to-day. And amazingy, it's been raining/drizzling on and off over the last few days.

In some ways I'm really grateful that we've got clear skies again. I brought my gear, I intend to do my walkie home. My ass may be sagging after 6 weeks of no walkies. But with the clear air, I intend to whip it back into shape.

On the flip side..... what happens if the rains put out those fires in Borneo and Sumatra prematurely? Will the villagers start their fires again when the rains stop? And what happened to that fucking treaty that was proposed in 2002 (fucking 2002, you all) and never ratified right up until to-day?


If I had a bird big enough to flip Indonesia, you bet I would've.

Cat wheel

Wasn't meant to blog. Thinking of tackling that beach trail in a bit. But then.....

Then I came across a post featuring a cat wheel. Yes. A cat wheel. You know, like those hamster wheels? Where the animals get in and run on the spot? Yes, that kind of wheel. For cats. For CATS.


Geez, I couldn't stop laughing.

Whoa. My eyes

I don't know which is worse.



The pig in panties and stockings? Or the 2 gargantuan arses on each side? And the third thing that's making my eyes water is...... stripes and pokka dots? Looks like a movable sofa.


BWAHAHAHAHAHA. Oh man, I needed that laugh.

TRUELY mindless

Guess what?
On a Monday, when there's normally a huge influx of calls, I was asked to go help another section. Fiona, do me a favour? Help the Comms team?

Now. If you asked me this 3 years ago, I'd be thinking a very very different thing. Now? Heh. Comms is internal code for TELEPHONE OPERATOR. Yes, you heard me.

A little background, if I may.....
The Powers That Be thought, a few months back, that since we have an internal call centre, wouldn't it be wonderful to consolidate everything? Oh yes, combine your telephone operators with conatct centre. And it turned out to be onene of the worse cases I have ever seen on short term planning.

The old operators have been plugging away for, oh, 7 - 10 years apiece? Every single one of them is well past their middle age. Used to an easy going, quasi government environment? And to throw them into my section? With demanding customers? And insane call influxes?

Sorry, they couldn't cut the mustard.

So the Powers That Be resurrected the operators section. Where they merely give out contact numbers to the different sections. (And about 30% of the time, it's to the wrong hotline too. But that's another story)


So guess what I did the entire day to-day? Argh!

Testy browser

I seem to be having a tesy browser.

I'm on cable, so it's not supposed to be slow. But occasionally over the last 3 days, it'll crash, hang, and I'll have to reboot. And to-day, everywhere I go, I see links embedded in the posts.


I might just get fed up and go for a walkie later on. Argh!

Dildo alert!

Ha! This article put a smile on my face.

Israeli police say they are on the lookout for 40 vibrators and a 200-dollar dildo after thieves plundered the automobile of a noted sexologist in Tel Aviv.

"Thieves broke into her car and apparently stole from her a caseload of vibrators," police spokesman Micky Rosenfeld told AFP. "It's difficult to say the exact value of the items stolen, but obviously we're searching for these items just as with any other incident of theft."

The thieves were likely surprised by the contents, Rosenfeld said Wednesday.

The two metal cases stolen from Shelly Pasternak's car Friday resembled those used for expensive audio-visual equipment, but instead contained massage oils, dildos, whips, Chinese balls and handcuffs, as well as vibrators.

In all, the thieves made off with about 2,000 dollars worth of sex toys, Pasternak said, adding that the most valuable item was an elaborate vibrating dildo that sells for 200 dollars.

Whoa.
A $200 dollar dildo. And that's in USD. I wouldn't mind a fancy pants dildo like that. lol. The chinese balls, on the other hand, are a wash out. I've tried'em. Didn't do a thing for me. Just made me walk funny. Could do with a pair of cuffs though.


Perhaps I should set up a wish list? lol.

Too old to drive?

Wow - I remember this case.

George Russell Weller, 89 and in poor health, could spend the rest of his life in prison for the 2003 crash, which set off a national debate over whether elderly people should be barred from driving or required to pass additional tests when renewing their licenses.....

..... His attorneys argued that he mistakenly stepped on the gas pedal instead of the bbrake and panicked when the vehicle raced into the open-air market. But prosecutors said he was careless to the point of criminal negligence and lacked remorse.....

..... Weller was 86 when his 1992 Buick Le Sabre traveled about 300 yards, reaching 60 mph or more as it crashed into food stalls. It finally came to a stop after hitting a ditch, with one victim's body tangled underneath and another's draped across the hood. The victims ranged in age from 7 to 78.

In a way, I feel sorry if this man has to spend the rest of his life in prison and, in all probability, die in prison. One should spend the last days one's life surrounded by love, happiness and contentment. Some elderly folk really treasure their independance and refuse to live on others' assitance.

But on the other hand, I do empathise with the victims. If you're too old to use complicated machinery - and a car is pretty complicated - then perhaps authorities should have mandatory tests? To check for hand/eye co-ordination, to test for motor neural skills, to test for eyesight and reflexes. I would imagine all these things are crucial to driving. For any sort of vehicle.


Perhaps they could start at 70? I don't think that's too old.....

Really?

Holy shit, to-day is a public holiday. And I didn't even register it.

Came to work, sat at my section, 7AM came and went and I was still the only person logged in. Dammit, don't tell me I'm the only one who turned up? That can't be right.

I log on to the other section, the weekend section, when all 3 different sections huddle together. And yeah..... ok..... my 2 colleagues are there. Public holiday, Fiona, why are you sitting there alone?


Me? Scurry scurry scurry.

Rain

After weeks and weeks of stifling heat, it rained to-day.

True, it was sort of a hard drizzle and it was for all of 2 minutes. But it was enough for me to miss the thunderstorms. The smell of ozone, the tingle in the air, the buildup of clouds, the briskness of it all. And especially that first sweet onrush of air that announces an impending storm.


I really miss the rain, oh boy.

Oh. My. God.

That's what keeps on looping in my head even as I sing along to all the 1980's songs

from......

don't hold your breath........

DURAN DURAN.

Oh. My. God.
I mean, really.
Oh. My. God.

I am talking about all their early songs, like Rio, Girls on Film, Save a Prayer and The Reflex. Was a mad Duranie fan when I was all of 12 and had my first casette recorder and music, my friends, was bought on bloody casette tapes. I was Mrs Nick Rhodes. lol Bloody hell. This was - yes, it's true - 24 years ago.


Oh my GOD the memories! Thank you, YouTube!

Movie - The Prestige

Oh man.
I am so looking forward to catching The Prestige.

First off, it is being directed by Christopher Nolan, him who did Batman Begins so brilliantly.

Secondly, it stars Christian Bale, who was magnificant in American Psycho, Reign of Fire and Batman Begins. On him alone, would the movie be worth viewing.

Thirdly, because it is a period piece about magicians. Not exactly a common storyline in the current era of Hollywood blockbusters. It promises to be moderatly - at the very least - intelligent and entertaining.

And lastly? The good folks at IMDB have voted and bloody hell.... the average score is slightly higher than Serenity, which is saying an awful lot.


Something to look forward to!

Dammit.

Off work. 2 days medical leave.
Partly for a very very disturbed stomach and sore ass.
And partly because my body feels so damned beat up.

We have some useless folk in the office who are perpetually on medical leave and I am so fucking sick and tired for taking up the slack.

Oh, not me, not personally.

But when people take off sick blatantly - like the 3 girls who are planning to quit and have taken medical leave every single monday for the last 3 fucking mondays - whatever staff is left are forced to work doubly hard. And the management doesn't seem to be very concerned.

The haze has seen our staff absenteeism rate soar as well. But the funny thing is that only some people got called in for the keep yourself healthy chat by the dept mgr. The rest of us? Who knows. Who cares? Management certainly doesn't.


I'll be damned if I've to haul ass when I'm not well.

Ugh.

Ohmigawd.

Fried Coke.
No... not the drug, which somehow seems more platable.
But coke as in... the drink!


Argh. Fair boggles the mind.

Oh dear

Cat starts fire.
Owner is disabled.
Dog saves owner.
Dog goes back inside for cat.
Dog perishes. No word of cat.


Tragic.

Ups and Downs

4 nights late shift. Running.

Upside? Evening tend to be a little more slack. Which is great.
Downside? Holy crap, we get all kinds of *boh eng calls. Which, I am sad to say, really raises my blood pressure.......


* too free, idle, mind running amok with stupid ideas on the off chance that we'll give you wonderful things for free.

We're all gonna die!

Damned PSI has been at 130 for the last 3 hours. The haze alert website from the govt has been overwhelmed and I haven't been able to log in for the last 45 minutes.


Man. We're screwed. Heh. w00t! Not!

Crazy tummy

My tummy has gone berserk. Like a gaping hole that cannot be filled.

Had to shift my meal break up because I was so hungry. No breakfast but I'm normally good, with a bun or two, until at least 5 or 6PM. Crap. Not to-day. I had a foot long subway BMT with olive oil at 4PM. It's now almost 9PM and I'm hungry again. Again!


Dammit, I think I'm ovulating.

Of all things

Took a cab to work today.
Long story, had things to buy, woke up late (I'm on the 2PM shift. Heh) It's a bad habit I'm trying to eradicate. I'm backsliding.

But hey, that's not what I wanted to share.

Standing by the side of the road, this silver car with the familiar taxi sign slowly comes forward. I'm trying hard to identify this new car shape and colour and I'm staring as he inches past.

Lo! It IS a new taxi! The guy stops and I hurridly get in. Uncle, very sorry, I didn't realise you were a taxi! elicits a laugh. Apparently I am not the first one to stop and stare, instead of flagging.

Turns out this new taxi is a skoda. A skoda!! Bloody hell. I remember when Skoda's were the laughing stock. Now they've been reinvented with an Audi (Audi!!) engine. The ride was smooth, the Uncle's speakers impressive - I call it a personal investment, lah! - and generally, I was quite pleased. Pity the ride was so short. I'd have happily taken a longer trip.

Oh man.... clean, spacious car; well spoken and clean cabbie; good sound system; smooth ride.... I don't want to backslide into taking cabs everywhere. lol Oh well. It set the tone for the day well :)


Viva la Skoda!

Yay!

Just fixed/assembled my mom's new air blower.
One of those standing tower thingies in lieu of a proper fan.

Not quite so helpless around the house, after all. The only thing I cannot seem to handle are real plumbing - not just the fiddly bits like the piping in my shower - and, for some reason, light bulbs.


Heh, I still wield a mean screwdriver. Go me!

WTF - search term

Well well well.
SOMEONE surfed by with the search phrase hiccups anus.


Dude, this is not one of those blogs.

Weird weather

I recall reading about how winter came and went without a whimper in some areas. And how there were freak snomstorms in others.

Now this year, it's here early. So early, I'm actually reading an article on shops that haven't even stocked their winter gear yet.


Alas, to live in a world gone mad.

Of self worth

Holy crap.
Looked what I found today, whilst clearing out some old stuff.
That's right, my name card as of June 2004.

Wow.
I thought I threw everything away.

Memories. Mostly bad. lol. Shang was, by far, the most..... challenging place of employment. Isn't that the politically correct way of saying things nowadays?

The one before that said... head of operations, or something like that. I had to correct people all the time because they thought it meant Director. I'd tell them, Not now. Perhaps in another 5 years I'll be ready. *wry grin*

It was nice, having a name card.
People knew you carried a certain amount of responsibility. It actually meant something. Shit, in servicing, you start off as an Executive or an Officer and when it says Manager, it means exactly that.

(I digress, but in Singapore, I found out that for most banks, the entry level designation is Asst Mgr and one up after that was VP of dept. How hilarious. They'd have a dozen VPs within the department alone.)

And now?
Hah! when I met G last week in Changi, he didn't believe me when I told him I had none. It sank in only after about 5 minutes of conversation explaining my last 2 years as a hermit, as a grunt. Heh.

It's funny how people can derive their own self worth from the perceived. For a while after I quit corporate, I was in a bit of a funk. I really did feel a little worthless. All that struggling in a non-service oriented society and nothing to show for it after a decade.

But life has a funny way of teaching you some very important lessons. I've dealt with THAT for a while now.


I am more than my old name cards will ever be. :)

Fruitful!

Bored as all heck. Took myself off to Changi Beach again this evening. No haze, thankfully, but overcast as usual. All grey. But still soothing. I will always be a water baby, waves will always calm me down. What more can you ask of a Cancerian? ;o



With the light fading and no hope of a sunset, I decided to walkie a little. Made my way back over the bridge and found myself on the opposite side of my usual spot. They've replaced the old bumboat ferry terminal with a new one and it's actually got a seafood restaurant on the top. How commercial, how typically Singaporean.

As I walked through, I noticed that (a) they were completely empty and (b) the patio area had a great view! Might go back for drinks with friends at a later date. Oh, and that little jutting promontory, in the middle of the picture? That's where I normally sit.


Haha! Finally found it! Been meaning to do the boardwalk for such a long time now but never wandered around enough to find it. This evening has been fruitful after all!

Yeah. I intend to go back and tackle that walk soon enough!

WTF - weird parents

Oh dear.
This was quite sad to read.

The home of Randall Warren Piercy, 41, was like a prison that had cameras in almost every room, with the father monitoring the boy on TV and computer screens, sheriff's Lt. Annie Smith said Thursday.

Over the past three years, the boy did not attend school, receive medical attention or hhave contact with people outside the family, Smith said. Authorities said he was home-schooled but could not read children's books.

Relatives told police that the boy was usually allowed to use the bathroom only once a day because his father was teaching him to control his body.

And the mother was allowed to see her son at only certain times. How bizarre is that? The boy is 9. Last 3 years. So he's been enduring this since he was 6? And I can't believe that authorities will let the mother go. She stood by placidly and let this all happen? How tragic. :o


We really need to come up with a parenting exam.

Improbable

I've recently subscribed to Mini-Air - also known as the the mini-Annals of Improbable Research. haha. Mad scientists, all of them. But what a hoot.

My interest might fizzle out in time, but for now? My current tickle feather is the winning limerick. (they have limerick contests! lol)

2006-10-08 Sausage Illumination Poet

The judges have chosen a winner for last month's Sausage Illumination Limerick Competition, which asked for a limerick to honor the following study:

"The Relationship of Illumination to the Color and Acceptability of Fermented Sausage," S. Barbut, Journal of Muscle Foods, vol. 13, no. 1, March 2002, pp. 13-23.

The winner is investigator LORNE A. WALD, who produced this:

"I'll be late at the lab learning who
"Likes salami -- what brightness and hue."
Said his wife, "You're a fool
"There's but one simple rule;
"In the dark any sausage will do."

[NOTE: Limerick
Laureate Martin Eiger has the month off.]

* * *

Some of the runner-up limericks may pop up in our blog in the next few days.

Scientists with a sense of humour.
Who could ask for more? :))

Destress....

.... with kitties!
Here's an old time favourite that will never go out of style.
And here's one of cats just being themselves!

Deja vu

I don't think anyone's all THAT happy that Indonesia has agreed to meet about the haze. It's always worse when the guilty party doesn't own up and has to be prodded in the ass to do something.

Singapore on Wednesday invited environment ministers from affected nations Indonesia, Malaysia, Thailand and Brunei to a meeting on Friday to discuss "urgent" measures to deal with the problem. But Indonesia's Foreign Minister Hassan Wirayuda insisted the meeting should be held in his country, possibly in Pekanbaru city on Sumatra island's Riau province, near Singapore.

"We want the meeting to be held nearer to the where the problem is being handled," he told reporters in Jakarta.

Wirayuda did not say when the meeting in Sumatra would take place, but his omments were greeted with immediate satisfaction by Singapore.

"We are delighted that Indonesia has heeded calls from the region to take urgent action to deal with this serious problem," said a statement from the the island state's foreign ministry. "We commend Indonesia for taking responsibility and agreeing to convene this meeting. Singapore was happy to agree to shift the meeting to Indonesia."

Affected countries attending the meeting could help Indonesia "prevent a recurrence of the problem in the future and take immediate action to mitigate the fires" causing the haze, Singapore's foreign ministry said.

First of all, this tune has been sung for the last few years. It's the same, tired, old donkey of a story.

Secondly, don't be mistaken about that "happy to shift venue" smiley face. We Singaporeans aren't happy at all. Why does it have to initiate from MY government? What are you lot waiting for? Money? From us? Again? I'll tell you why we're happy..... we're bloody happy you've got the guts to acknowledge you have a problem in the first place!


I'd say do something!! but I know you guys are impotent. Heh.

Namesake

Oh dear.
I've just discovered that Anna Nicole Smith's real name is Vickie Lynn Hogan.
HOGAN!
Argh!

The shame..... the shame.....

We dress to impress

Here's something interesting.

Women dress to impress when they are at their most fertile, U.S. researchers said on Tuesday in a study they say shows that signs of human ovulation may not be as mysterious as some scientists believe.

A study of young college women showed they frequently wore more fashionable or flashier clothing and jewelery when they were ovulating, as assessed by a panel of men and women looking at their photographs.

"They tend to put on skirts instead of pants, show more skin and generally dress more fashionably," said Martie Haselton, a communication studies and psychology expert at the University of California Los Angeles who led the study......

.....For example, one woman wore loose knit leggings and a tank top in both photos. "In her high fertility photograph, she would be wearing a very pretty tank top and she was wwearing more jewelery. The difference was quite subtle," Haselton said.....

.....Haselton's team had earlier reported that women were more likely to flirt and look at attractive men when ovulating.

I find this extremely interesting because it's something I've noticed in myself. Except I call it being restless. Since my monthly cycle has sort of settled down now, it's easier to notice these things because I don't normally dress up, to boot. In fact, I'm notorious for dressing down now.


So. Truth to the observations. Interesting indeed!

Movie!

This movie looks like it's going to be enjoyable.

Ben Stiller's newest, Night At The Museum, looks quite funny. Has Robin Williams to boot. And is to be released just in time for Christmas. (How mercenary of you, Fox) Enjoyed Zoolander. But loved Dodgeball.


Still, trailer's quite promising. As only trailer's can be :o

Girls night out. Sorta.

Tonight was supposed to be Flirt Night.

Flirt Night?
Ha!
Bernie and I were on the phone last night, agreeing that we were both quite peeved with the men in our lived. A night out! Cleavage! Heels! Flirting! Looking gorgeous! Yes, we determined to have a good time.

We were supposed to head down to Boat Quay - there's a pasta place there I like - but somehow.... the conversation turned to the Hard Rock Cafe and how we cut our teeth on clubbing there. (I first stepped into HRC at age 17. So young, so young!) Then we remembered the Chicken Fried Steak. MMmmmm. Off the bus and on to the train, we changed our destination half way, as only woman are capable of, and found ourselves trekking in the direction of Hard Rock Cafe.

Damn.

Memories.

Dinner was OK, food still was pretty good, and we heard it was open mic night so we were pretty excited about this. A 3 piece acoustic band started things up and boy, those guys can *sing*. Here we are all happy, fed and watered.


Next band was supposed to be jazz but..... they TOTALLY SUCKED. A huge jangle of sounds, all sounding the same, with a really pretentious lead singer. My ears really felt assulted. And this is from the woman who can listen to Nine Inch Nails. And enjoy it.

I couldn't resist. I hailed a passing waitress and asked who they were. Turns out that one of the band members is the big big boss' son. Right. I see. So. Now we know why they cannot perform but still get centrestage.



We eventually ended up at the 1 Nite Stand, a very cool bar and comedy club. I first discovered these guys when they were playing at an old dingy club. Stand up comedy! In Singapore! You cannot fathom how rare that is.

I used to go alone to their mic nights. Alone, dammit. Place filled with expats; me, the lone asian woman, trying damned hard not to look like a pick up. Ah, good times. The acts flown in were top notch.

These guys have done so well that they now have their own venue. And the current resident band? Man, they rocked our socks off. Which was exactly what we needed at after listening to that trash at HRC. I'd load a pic but Blogger is being a testy bitch so no pics of the band. But trust me, they were great entertainment.


Ah me. To be young again.
My body cannot take the dancing. lol

Tired

This must be the gazzilionth post entitled tired.
But truly, I am.
Worked through my off day because some stupid bint changed shifts then decided that oh! she couldn't make it anyways! And I was therfore activated to work.

Up side?
I'll have 3 off days this week.


I cannot bloody wait.

Like royalty

I didn't tell you about last night, did I?

Bernie and I headed down to Changi and ended up in the hotel. We didn't intend to eat at the hotel itself but what with the haze and my feeling so indulgent, off we went. No reservations, mind you; this was a Sat night. We weren't sure if we'd get a table.

Greeter agreed to give us a table and we sat at the end corner with J hovering around us. J is.... a little enthusiastic. He's one of the senior wait staff but he fusses over us. A lot. Announced to his younger colleagues that we were his regulars. Bought us drinks. We were already feeling a little conscious about the attention.

Halfway through the buffet line, I hear a You look familiar.
Lo! An old colleague from my Shangri La days, now the F&B Manager at the Changi Meridien. G's always asked me to all him when I visit the hotel and I never do, because I don't want the fuss. But there was no getting away from it last night. G made sure of it.

We were moved from the end corner into a central column against the glass windows/wall. Outlet supervisor was asked to take care of us, and he did. The younger staff eyed us, wondering who the hell we were. We got to have our desserts out in the lounge and we crashed against the cushions. The bottle of wine sent by G had to be returned because Bernie and I don't drink. So G halved our buffet dinner bill instead.

Fussed and mussed over, with all that attention, I really began to feel quite self-conscious.

How funny life treats us, said Bernie, You really never know who you will meet. And she never said a truer word. G was a captain at the Shang. His manager was my peer level, actually. I wonder if G treats us so well at the Meridien Changi because I never talked down to him? We were never really all that close. But I respected him a lot because G seemed pretty talented and I liked his work ethic. Perhaps that showed. And perhaps he remembered.


My god, but we were feted last night.

Ig Nobels 2006

Hey, I missed this.
The Ignobel Prizes are back!

A device that repels teenagers has won the peace prize at this year's Ig Nobels - the spoof alternative to the rather more sober Nobel prizes. Welshman Howard Stapleton's device makes a high-pitched noise inaudible to adults but annoying to teenagers.

Other winners included a US-Israeli study into how a finger up the rectum cures hiccups and a report into why woodpeckers do not get headaches.

All the research is real and published in often prestigious journals.....

.....This year's winners included:

Maths: How many photos must be taken to almost ensure no-one in a group shot has their eyes closed, by Nic Svenson and Piers Barnes

Ornithology: Why woodpeckers do not get headaches, by Ivan Schwab and the late Philip RA May

Nutrition: Why dung beetles are fussy eaters, by Wasmia al-Houty and Faten al-Mussalam

Acoustics: Why the sound of fingernails scraping on blackboards is so annoying, by D Lynn Halpern, Randolph Blake and James Hillenbrand

Medicine: The Termination of Intractable Hiccups with Digital Rectal Massage, by Francis Fesmire, Majed Odeh, Harry Bassan and Arie Oliven.

Too cool, too cool. No guessing which one's my favourite!


UPDATE
Tried to surf for more details on the Ig Nobels. Turns out that the day-to-day applications are very very real.

Fesmire, a specialist in emergency medicine and cardiology, probably did not have a real Nobel in mind when he published "Termination of intractable hiccups with digital rectal massage" in Annals of Emergency Medicine (vol 17, p 872). He was, it transpires, attempting to help a man who walked into the emergency room after hiccuping for 72 hours at up to 30 times a minute.

Runaway electrical impulses in the vagus nerve cause intractable hiccups, so Fesmire aattempted to block them by stimulating the nerve. Gagging, tongue pulling, sinus massage and pressing the eyeball to stimulate the vagus all failed to stop the hiccups. Then he remembered reading about a case in which digital rectal massage – inserting a finger into a patient’s anus – had slowed a racing heartbeat, an effect similar to runaway hiccups.

"It worked, and the rest is history," he says

Amazing. That's all I can say.......

Kids these days.

What 'wonderful' role models we have these days.

Oscar-nominated child star Keisha Castle-Hughes has announced she is pregnant to her teenage boyfriend and is to give birth next year.

The 16-year-old New Zealand actress is "extremely happy about it", her agent Gail Cowan told the Herald on Sunday newspaper. Neither Castle-Hughes or her mother could be contacted, nor could the baby's 19-year-old father.....

.....Castle-Hughes and Bradley Hull, the father of her baby, have been dating for three years, but he was not allowed to accompany her to the Oscars because her representatives reportedly had concerns about the age difference

Yes, you read that right. Mom is 16. Dad is 19. And no matter how talented you are as an actress, I seriously doubt you are equipped to handle motherhood. Or did you plan to dump the entire thing on your own mummy?

Geez. Dating for 3 years. Ok. I don't have problems (not a huge issue, no) with starting to date at 13. But... just damn! Ok! I DO have a problem! *wry grin*


Guess I AM too old for this shit.

I see....

..... the haze has hit the global news portals.
Then again, it's an annual problem which Indonesia, like a lot of it's other global issues, seems unable to resolve.

Cool tabulations!

Hey.... idle surfing brought me to this cool site.

Apparently, with this single website, you can get for yourself a table of the sun or moon rise/set timings. For any given year. Yeah. How cool is that?


Your own personal almanac. But without the catastrophe stories. lol.

Dammit, Indonesia!

Man, this haze thing is getting crazy.

I could sort of smell it when I woke up last night. Apparently, it had gotten quite bad during the night but since I'm a smoker..... yes, a slight smoke smell is not going to awaken me :)

But this is what greeted me when I stepped out of the house to go to work.

Dammit. Normally I can see all the way straight down. Now, I can just barely see past the traffic light that's about 100m away. The burning smell was quite strong too. I was wondering if it would clear up during the day. PSI at the time was about 80.


Ha! Fat chance.

As I left the office, the haze was still really thick. From my elevator landing... well... see for yourself. PSI factor went up then came down to about remain in the 80s.


It wasn't any better at street level.

But now? Heck. I think if it were day time, we'd be panicking. PSI reading as of 11PM stands at approximate 140. Shit. That's high.


No more walkies for the time being.
I'd rather be fat than breathe all that shit.

Who'd have thought?

Saw some ad in the papers, looked like a cheesy movie. s'called Eragon. Panasonic is promoting it in lieu of it's mega TV sets or something or other.

At first I thought it was a cheap knockoff off Aragon. A weird spin off of sorts. LOTR fans will wonder at the similarity of names.

So imagine my surprise when I surfed by the Internet Movie DataBase and found out that Jeremy Irons was acting in it. Jeremy Irons! And John Malkovich. John Malkovich!


Just on those 2 alone.... I'll catch it! Heh!

They're all around

I have been particularly grouchy the last few days.
I have blogged about stupids before.
And for some reason, I can hang with people who are naturally slow. But the sheer lazy buggers. Or those who have a normal IQ but can't think beyond themselves? Holy shit, I'm like the Wrath of God.

Holy fucking crap, someone's gonna get it to-day if I get one more stupid colleague.

Better than normal.

Wow.
Pretty accurate.

You are introverted, reserved, and quiet with a preference for solitude and solitary activities. Your socializing tends to be restricted to a few close friends. You are generally calm and composed, reacting moderately well to situations that most people would describe as stressful. As a practical person you like to think in plain and simple terms. Others describe you as down-to-earth, practical, and conservative. People see you as tough, critical, and uncompromising and you have less concern with others' needs than with your own. You set clear goals and pursue them with determination. People regard you as reliable and hard-working.

Although that 1 on openess to new experiences may not be as low as all that :o Bernie will be able to tell. lol



My Personality

Neuroticism	9
Extraversion	24
Openness To Experience	1
Agreeableness	15
Conscientiousness	83

Test Yourself Compare Yourself View Full Report Find your soulmate / pysch twin MySpace Layouts, Mortgage Refinance Information and credit card consolidation by Pulseware Survey Software

WHOA.
There's more.
And this is even better.........


Neuroticism *
You are a calm person who is considered almost fearless by some. You don't usually get angry too easily but some things can annoy you. (like stupids.)You very rarely feel depressed and are usually in a good frame of mind. You do not feel nervous in social situations, and have a good impression of what others think of you. You do not experience strong, irresistible cravings and consequently do not find yourself tempted to overindulge. You are poised, confident, and clear-thinking when stressed.


Extraversion *
People generally perceive you as distant and reserved, and you do not usually reach out to others. You tend to feel overwhelmed by, and therefore actively avoid, large crowds. You often need privacy and time for yourself. You like to speak out, take charge, and direct the activities of others. You are usually the leader in group activites. You lead a leisurely and relaxed life. You would prefer to sit back and smell the roses than indulge in high energy activities. You get overwhelmed by too much noise and commotion and do not like thrill-seeking activities. You experience a range of positive feelings, including happiness, enthusiasm, optimism, and joy.


Openness To Experience *
You prefer facts over fantasy and are more interested in what is happening in the real word. You are not interested in the arts and do not display aesthetic sensitivity. You tend not to express your emotions openly and are sometimes not even aware of your own feelings. Familiar routines are good, but sometimes you like to spice up your life with a bit of adventure or activity. You prefer dealing with either people or things rather than ideas. You regard intellectual exercises as a waste of your time. You prefer the security and stability brought by conformity to tradition.


Agreeableness
You generally see others as selfish, devious, and sometimes potentially dangerous. There are times when you believe that a certain amount of deception in social relationships is necessary, however you are mostly candid, frank and sincere. People find it moderately easy to relate to you. You do not particularly like helping other people. Requests for help feel like an imposition on your time. You dislike confrontations and are perfectly willing to compromise or to deny your own needs in order to get along with others. You feel superior to those around you and sometimes tend to be seen as arrogant by other people. You are not affected strongly by human suffering, priding yourself on making objective judgments based on reason. You are more concerned with truth and impartial justice than with mercy.


Conscientiousness
You are moderately confident that you can achieve the goals you set yourself. You are well-organized and like to live according to routines and schedules. Often you will keep lists and make plans. You find contracts, rules, and regulations overly confining and are sometimes seen as unreliable or even irresponsible by others. Mostly you work towards achieving your best, although in some areas you are content just to get the job done. You have a reasonable amount of will-power and are able to follow through on tasks that you feel you need to complete. You can be distracted however and have been known to procrastinate. You take your time when making decisions and will deliberate on all the possible consequences and alternatives.


The first 3 are 100% spot on. The latter 2 are..... really really close. lol.
Go on, have a go.

Amazed

I am buggered each and every time I receive a call from a stupid customer.

Buggered because these people purchase policies with their retirement fund - THEIR RETIREMENT FUNDS - and then don't know
(i) what they have purchased
(ii) when it matures
(iii) where it goes upon maturity

If I were them, fooling around with my goddamned retirement funds, I'd bloody watch my money like a hawk. Or at least pay attention. Dido you plan to sit on pavements when you're 70 with your begging hand out?


What's wrong with these people.....


PS - A close 2nd will be fucktards who don't bother to track whom they've spoken to. Counter 5! Counter 5! The girl at counter 5! Fuck me, there are at least 45 staff at your HQ, not just one person sitting at your feet waiting to fulfill your every bloody whim.

Be warned, if you call in and expect me to pluck the info from my arse, I'm not going to go the extra mile for *you*.

The story behind it all

Off to-day. But was at work. Sort of.

Company dinner. Invited because I was one of the few contract staff that stayed on beyond 12 months. So. Surrounded by colleagues.... people I would NOT necessarily have lunch with. The entire dinner was a comedy of errors.

- Menu was picked by someone who had no taste buds.
- MCs were non-existant and I spent the evening either trying to decipher my food, or stare in bafflement at the propoganda videos that would spring up from the giant vidscreens with nary an introduction.
- And to top it off, a kind colleague offered to send us home. I ended up with a 40 minute wait and a bloody 2 hour car ride.

Home, fed and watered (no, I didn't eat much), I decided to find out more about the Hug Thing I'd posted on previously.

It's a great story, if it's true....

Some background is in order. A year ago, Juan Mann was just an odd guy standing in the Pitt Street Mall in Sydney, Australia offering "free hugs" to passing strangers. One of the people he hugged was Shimon Moore, the lead singer of the Sick Puppies. They became friends, and one day Moore decided to borrow a video camera showing Mann doing his thing. As the "free hug" campaign started to spread, the city council tried to ban it, even attempting to impose a huge liability insurance requirement on him for offering free hugs in public. So Mann and his friends mounted a petition campaign, and after presenting more than 10,000 to the city council, the calls for a ban died away.

The rest, as they say, is history.
Great post, pop by and have a read.

Horsies!

I don't rant all the time.
No really.
I am capable of smiling sometimes.

Like in this case

Mrs Gray said: "When I bought the pub a few weeks ago I heard rumours that one of the regulars was a horse but I didn't quite believe them. It was a hot day when the horse came in and I was shocked at first because I have never run a pub before."

Mr Dolan, 61, from Jarrow, bought Peggy six years ago and discovered her fondness for the pub when she followed him inside.

How cute is that?
Apparently Peggy's favourites are a pint of John Smiths and pickled onion crisps. haha. A horse and pickled onions.


Great stuff.

Female circumcision

Ha! Yeah right. Indonesia laws? What a joke, really.

Doctors and nurses in Indonesia, the world's most populous Muslim country, can no longer perform female genital cutting, a senior Health Ministry official said on Wednesday.....

..... Sri Hermiyanti, who heads the ministry's family health directorate, said symbolic female circumcisions that do not involve physical damaging of the child still could be carried out.

"Hurting, damaging, incising, cutting the clitoris are not allowed. These acts violate the reproductive rights of these girls and harm their organs," said the doctor, adding the announcement has been circulated to health workers since April....

....Hermiyanti added there was no punishment for those who still carry out the practice and she expected it would take time before more traditional communities abandon the ritual altogether.....

It would take time? Yes? You think? Try not in your lifetime. Try don't hold your breath. Try ain't never gonna happen. This is one country that, in my own opinion, doesn't seem to be holding it's own in any arena globally. Except tourism. And possibly terorism training schools.

I have a huge issue with female genetial mutilation. And mark my words, it IS mutilation. Cutting the clitoris doesn't improve a woman's fertility. It doesn't improve her desire for fidelity or her desire to fuck around. What it does do is take away a woman's natural and innate ability to achieve an orgasm.

I draw upon countless conversations with a working buddy who grew to be a great friend. Human sexuality was a topic of immense inmterest to the both of us. She was one of the best examples I've seen of a old religion living and breathing in a 21st century woman. And it was a bitch for her to maintain a successful sex life. Hers was lopped off at the top so she (or her husband) had viritually no nub to play around with.

That's in Singapore. Imagine the African Muslims, where in some communities the vagina is stitched up. Or the clitoris is sliced off with a razor. There are far worse things happening out there.


Yes. Imagine that.
Yes, I think it's mutilation.

Alternative

I have been spending rather a lot of time here, the last 2 evenings.

Actually, it's the blog of a rope maker, Twisted Monk. More to the point, he's just returned from the Folsom Street Fair and he's posted loads of photos.

My interests in BDSM notwithstanding, these are very intersting pictures. Granted, it's being held in San Francisco, which I've been told by my American friends is not representative of the USA (eh? Fiona? They're all weird and progressive up that a'ways!) But still, the myriad expressions of sexuality showcased in all those pictures was wonderful.

Some didn't tickle my fancy at all.
Some made me pause for thought.
And some were positively absolutely wickedly delicious.
But all not exactly mainstream.


Have a peep if you want. All questions will be answered honestly. lol

Every day

Well well well.
Every day that you learn something new is a day that's never wasted, they say. Newfound knowledge acquired. Tucked away in the recesses of my mind. Only....... I don't think they had this in mind.

Thanks to Johnny Wadd, I now know what a Dirty Sanchez is.


No, I won't be giving or receiving one anytime soon, thanks very much.

Whoa!

Hey... I Haven't had a fucktard of the week for a while. Work has been THAT good. heh.

But all good things must come to an end. And this crazy woman calls up. My intense misfortune to answer her call. Screamed and vented about forms she had received. Screamed about how she didn't know how to fill it in. Screamed about how insulting it was to have an X mark the signature spot. Like an idiot, they think I don't know how to sign? she rants. Then says in the next breath What are these forms for anyways?

Best part is, I have no idea what she's talking about. The forms she's talking about really don't sound familiar. I finally get fed up with her venting and ask her point blank. WHO sent you these forms? I asked pointedly

The answer? The bank, who else?

Whoa.
What gumption.
And what brilliance.
Bank sends you forms and you call your insurance company?


Please. Don't have kids. Stupidity is inherited.

Aw

Idle surfing.
Long day, but still relaxed.
And an even better evening, surprising myself.

Relaxing, when I came across this post on The Hug Thing.

It looks like it was shot in Australia, not sure. But oh, it's great. This one man walks around with a placard offering FREE HUGS and no one takes him up. People slowly start to take notice, and take him up on his offer. And the entire thing snowballs. It was....... yes, heartwarming, to say the least.

We don't touch each other enough. Personal space is all very well and good, but communication acrosss skin. How intimate, how personal, how effective. And we don't do it enough.

I envy people who hug freely and generously. But I have myself to blame for his. heh. Sometimes I feel all sticky from the humidity. I smoke, so I don't want to impart the smell on to others. I guess I come across as aloof, sometimes. But it's just fear. Fear of making them smell of ciggies and fear of them thinking I feel icky. *shrugs*


Anyways, this isn't meant to be a long diatribe. Just go watch the clip :)


UPDATE
I found the link on Wildrun.
Gods, I was wondering for the longest time how the hell I found myself on that BlogSisters webpage thingie.