Relief. I think.

I've finally gotten my answer.
I am not in the running.

Backtrack to about a month ago... I received an email from the powers that be about the call centre professional of the year award. This was one of a number of titles they were gunning for and apparently someone, somewhere, thought me worthy enough to make mention. Out of about 80 staff, whittled down to the top 10. Or so they said.

Initially, I was all Eh? Me? At this time in my life? Thanks, but not on your life! After all this time, after quitting corporate, to be nominated? I thought it was rather a good joke.

But deep down, it felt good I suppose. I know I'm good at what I do and it was nice to be recognised.

Then deeper down, there was a twinge of ..... Shame? Abashedness? Embarrassment? What would my former colleagues and underlings say? From middle management to grunt? Or was that just my stupid pride?

They asked us to submit short essays with titles like Why I deserve to win. Urgh. I'm telling you. Some of this brashness is social conditioning and the core sometimes still wants to run away from any public spotlight.

So it was no small measure of relief when I found out that all of us were scrapped in favour of this one lady. No essays to prepare. No mock interviews. No grooming to say the right thing, even though I feel the opposite way. No stress. No fuss. No falsies, lies or hypocrisy.


Free - just the way I wanted to be. Yes, it's relief. It's palpable!