Dreams

- RESTLESS RAMBLINGS -

Decided to take a nap before tonight's overnight shift.
Had a weird dream.... it featured my own home, my porpor's home, a mishmash of characters. But the most poignant moment?

I was napping before my shift, my parents pounding on my bedroom door. Fiona, there's 2 men here to see you! I hear my mom yell. I'm bouncing out of bed because for some reason, I know this is a good thing. I am dazed - half naps always leaving me with a light-headed feeling - and am greeted by 2 young, burly men in white polo shirts and bermudas.

We have a message for you, one says, he'll be here in 2 days time and his ship is finally moving from the Gulf to Singapore, just like he promised you in January this year.

I sit them down, take the old, dog-eared photo they offer, and yup, it's of my MasterChief. He showed us a picture of you, so we could identify you, and we were all a little envious. the other one says softly. Ach, as I wave my hand in rebuttal, it's just a picture...

And of course, I wake up, heart pounding, thinking that the MasterChief will really be here in 2 days.

It takes a while for the dreamy fog to dissipate. I don't do well with naps during the day. But I know what my mind was trying to tell me. I'm at the 3 month mark. The point where I traverse the mad boundary of fear. Of worry. Of restlessness. Of dread.

I realise that this boundary of mine is of my own doing. I know why he cannot write, email or call. But it doesn't make it any better to know he's on a ship somewhere in the middle east, of all places. I admire his sense of patriotism, his loyalty to his country (I'm Singaporean, we don't do loyalty well. lol). However, as his woman, it's like a slow mourning because of the sheer blank wall I'm forced to deal with on a daily basis.


Damn. Enough of this. Gotta distract myself, gotta keep myself sane for now. Heh.