.... as I thought I would be.
It might have been because today's customers were quite shitty. Or that it was the usual fire-fighting Monday. Or perhaps I was tired. Or that it's a delayed reaction. Or that it was a cobination of everything. Or perhaps nothing at all.
But for some reason, as I made my way home today, I felt incredibly sad. Sadness that the life I envisioned for myself and my ex was to no longer become a reality. Sadness at all the things I will never learn from him. Sadness at the things I will never be able to share with him. Sadness that we never really had a chance to work at it.... after all, when things because fairly serious, that's when he got shipped off. Sadness at... oh... a lot of things. There I was, sitting on a public bus, with my eyes tearing up.
Most of all, the constant reminder that whilst it's a basic human condition to be lonely, it's even worse to be lonely when I was supposed to be "attached". I have him to thank for that, the last 6 months that stretched out >:I
I mayn't be attached any longer, but I gotta keep the anger. It's the one thing that'll keep me focused, I tell myself. At any rate, these stupid spells don't last long. I cannot allow them to last. I usually wallow in it for about 10 minutes until the silliness of the entire thing gets to me. Then I pick me up by the scruff of my neck and give me a good shake.
Get stuck into life, Fiona!! Get a move on!
Natural introvert, learned extrovert.
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- Fiona Kathleen Hogan
- Testy, cynical and Eurasian. I won't play well with you if you have no bloody common sense. All comments & emails sent me become fodder for my blog.
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6 comments:
Dance life.. that's what I always tell myself to get out of those stupid spells. :P
Yeah.
Now I just play SecondLife. hahaha.
Am sorry to hear about it not working out between you and MasterChief. He deserves a good whacking I swear and I would volunteer to do that if he was within reach. Yes, that violent streak doesn't go away with age. You are absolutely right, life is too short for moping and you have done everything right being good and faithful and he is an idiot for letting a good woman go. Hang in there Fi *hugs*
Liza,
I'd like to thump him myself. I can't believe he threw away 2+ years just like that. *frowns*
Hey Fiona
been keeping up with you for a few years I guess... The loss is his as you are one sharp, intelligent, member of the human race. Any person would do well to have you as a member of their support group and better still if you were devoted to them like you seem to be to MF.
It may well be that he is ducking out out of his feeling inadequate and while that might not be oc consolaion to you at this time ,,,,what it does is this:
It makes you available to a stronger, better, more available person for you to adore and devote yourself to and in return to be adored by.
If I were younger, I'd show up at your door kiddo... Much respect to you and really, really; Youre going to find that this is a good thing.. Now go out and shake a tail feather honey......
apoe,
Thank you.
That comment meant a lot to me. :)
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