Of jokes and grandmothers

Sent by the Funky Aunty!


Funny Slogans

Advertisement In A Long Island Shop:Guitar, for sale
Cheap............no strings attached.

Ad In Hospital Waiting Room: Smoking Helps You Lose Weight ...
One Lung At A Time!

On a bulletin board: Success Is Relative.
The more The Success, The more The Relatives.

When I Read About The Evils Of Drinking...
I Gave Up Reading.

My Grandfather Is Eighty And Still Doesn't Need Glasses...
He Drinks Straight Out Of The Bottle.

You Know Your kids Have Grown Up When:
Your Daughter Begins To Put On Lipstick.. Or when your Son starts To wipe It Off.

Sign In A Bar:
'Those Of You Who Are Drinking To Forget, Please do Pay In Advance.'

Sign In Driving School:
If Your Wife Wants To Learn To Drive, Don't Stand In Her Way.

Behind Every Great Man, There Is A Surprised Woman.

The Reason Men Lie Is Because Women Ask too Many Questions.

Getting Caught Is The Mother Of Invention.

Laugh And The World Laughs With You,
Snore And You sleep Alone.

The Surest Sign That Intelligent Life Exists Elsewhere In The UniverseIs The Fact That It Has Never Tried To Contact Us.

Sign At A Barber's Saloon In Detroit:
We Need Your Heads To Run Our Business.

A Traffic Slogan:
Don't Let Your Kids Drive If They are Not Old Enough Or Else They Will Never Be.

Sign In A Restaurant:
All Drinking Water In This Establishment Has Been Personally Passed By The Manager.

Sign On A Famous Beauty Parlor Window:
Don't Whistle At The Girls Going Out From Here. She May Be Your Grandmother.


Too damned right!
Speaking of Grandmas, we had a small informal dinner for Nanny last night and Good Gawd people, she's 88. if I had known, we'd have thrown her a slightly more auspicious dinne rparty. lol.

But Nanny is bloody good fun... I like to tease her a little and Nanny's the sort who can take it. Sometimes, she'll give you as good as you get so you'd better be prepared :)

Me : Nan! You're 88? Why didn't you tell us?
Nan : Tell you what, sweetheart? I'm old enough to want to go!
Me : What? Go? No talking like that now. Tsk tsk.
Nan : Us old people don't like being a burden.
Me : Nan, what burden? You need to be happy too!
Nan : That I am, child....
Me : Nan, I could have gotten a male stripper for you...
Nan : What? What am I going to do with him?
Me : erm.. you could oogle his muscles?
*pause*
Me : Nan, you gots to hold on to 90. I promise you a big party! with strippers!

Dad joins in, w're all laughing by now. It got a tad ribald from there but Nan actually looked amused. Like she's really entertaining it. Uh oh. lol

Nan is cool... too cool and WAY brillant before her time. She was the one who told me to always wear tampons at parties so if I got felt up and was on the rag, the man wouldn't know. Damn... I was 16 at the time. When you're that age, and your grandma tells you something like that, she becoms your heroine :))


Please don't go soon, Nan.