Idle ramblings

I don't know why... but I thought of this man tonight.

I think it was a fuzzy recollection of a casual conversation with a colleague on scifi/fastasy books. Which brought us around to Issac Assimov. Which lead me to think about how humanity's values have progressed and evolved. And finally to this man.

It was a long long time ago. I must have been in my early to mid twenties and I cannot remember his name. All I can recall is that he was a professor at a local university, that he was British, and that he had a huge, fluffy, frizzy beard.

I remember how we met online, had quick chats which lead to a coffee date. And my initial shock of his beard. The chats must have continued because a second meeting was set up. And he must have felt something, I guess, because when he found out I enjoyed scifi, he went out and purchased his favourite and had it sent to me.

I was touched. No one had done that for me before. As a romantic gesture, it went far beyond sending flowers. The book, unfortunately, sucked. It WAS scifi, but written in.... oh.... the 1960s. A story of an intrepid explorer from a homosexual planet who had to venture out into the heterosexual universe. Back then it must have been seriously out-there. But in this time and age? Trust me. It sucked.

Then our second meeting at some fancy fusion restaurant in Raffles Hotel. Because he.... ah yes! I remember it was because he was vegetarian!... and he liked the food there.

I remember getting there a little late and wondering at the odd placemat. It was only halfway through dinner that I looked down and realized that it wasn't a bloody placemat. It was an A4 sized card he had made and laminated for me; a huge heart shape that consisted of nothing but my name. It must have taken him ages to do.

And then he tried to kiss me goodnight. I think my aversion to bearded men stemmed from that incident. Because being kissed by a hairy beard after dinner which smelt of very strong stale fish was shocking. And unpleasant. Granted, I cannot tar all bearded men by this one incident but I cannot help it.

Why do I remember all this? When I didn't see him again after the fishy kiss? When he tried and slowly realized that it wasn't meant to be?

I think I feel bad. After all these years, I still feel bad because I didn't have the courage to tell this ernest, sincere, gentleman that I didn't return his affections. I just..... ignored him and fended him off. And he took the hint. And eventually went away. I took the coward's way and it comes back to haunt me till this day.

Ok.
Not haunt.
Perhaps a plucking of the very edges of my conscience. lol.

But the point is this - isn't it funny how things come back to you over time? I tried to learn from this lesson as I grew older and dabbled more and more in the dating game. You win some, you lose some, and that's the way it goes. Want another cliche? All's fair in love and war. A third one? My, aren't you a glutton for punishment.....


Nah, too late at night now. Mind's foggy. More cliches can wait.