Isn't life wierd?

And just a little funny, sometimes?

I had a dog once, Ben Bones he was called. Our previous pets had always carried the Hogan surname, but since Ben Hogan the golfer was still alive, Ben Bones he was called eventually. Actually....... Ben Ben to me.

Yes, I confess, I'm guilty of baby talk to animals occasionally. :))

At any rate, Ben came it us at 6 months, after a horrific accident took out his left eye. Mom adopted him - for a few reasons - and I remember coming home from JC one day, to discover this huge ball of fluff in a box in the kitchen.

For the record, Ben was a standard white poodle. But no effete behaviour, oh no! The first time he needed proper grooming, we got him a pet taxi, had him whisked off, and he came back with pompoms and green ribbons. OH. GOOD. GOD. I still remember. Family was horrified. All of us screeched, Ben was embarressed, and after we had teased him for about a day, Mom shaved off the pompoms and Ben had a puppy's cut from then on.

I find that a bit of a misnomer; puppy's cut indeed. :) It's just a haircut that's even thoughout. No pompoms. I always thought Ben looked quite nice. He looked a lot more macho than most poodles.

Needless to say, in my family, Ben wasn't coodled. He was terribly pampered, but he wasn't coddled. He was also very much loved and in the last few years of his life, it was heart-rending to see him in his old age. Watch him struggle with his various health problems. He was still our Ben Ben, but you could see his age. For a white dog, you could clearly see the grey on his muzzle. He looked.... dignified :)

We eventually put Ben to sleep, age 11 and three quarters. That's my baby! A long and happy, lazy, contented life....

But I also remember taking leave from work and, with Dad, we got to the vet's and said our last goodbyes. I remember seeing the needle go in. I remember Dad's hands as he firmly stroked Ben as Ben slowly sank down on to his towel. I remember being so distraught, I didn't stay inside. I remember running out of the vet's office, sobbing, and scaring other owner's in the process.

*sigh*

Why am I sharing all this? Because I believe sometimes the people we love come back and visit us. I have dreams of Ben Ben sometimes. And it's so weird... here I am in the office, napping, and I dream of Ben again. Yea, I can even tell you I've napped from 0400 to 0428, which was when the next call came in lol. That's not a lot of time to sink under enough to dream. But dream I did.

Ben's here. With his wise eyes looking calmly at me, sitting quietly like he always did, just happy to be in his family's presence. I don't have a lot of time with him... I know that... and my heart aches to hold him again.

I know I'm in the office.
I know I'm dreaming.
But I also know I'm crying in my dream.
Crying because I know Ben cannot stay.

Ben gets up, walks away and I start to wake up. Just as I rise out of sleep, he stops and looks back, just once. And then he is gone.

It's been a long time. Almost 9 years since Ben's passing.


I hope Ben never stops visiting....