7:35 pm

No turning back now.

24 Nov 2012

I am 3 days to my photo shoot.

I think I am nervous, dammit.

Don't have a problem being nekked. But I have paid $800 to have someone take nekked shots of me, to immortalise on film every single goddamned bulge of fat, every speckled scar, every spot of pasty, flabby, wobbly flesh. Rather like an ugly duckling made to take centrestage, about to be denuded of every feather. 

Ok, the photographer takes good, classy tasteful shots. But that's certainly what I feel like right now.
*wry grin*
HHhhmmmm. I hope it's just nerves, and not some latent depressive inferiority complex raising it's spectral head.

On the flip side, it feels like an adventure. Weird, yes? But for this woman, who never pushes herself forward, who tends to set family and friends before herself, who wears plain clothes without logos and nary a spot of makeup, to be made up and put in the centre of attention, it's an interesting experience.

It's already interesting lol. I went out and got feather boas. I wanted the pictures to be lush, rich, and slightly decadent; and, for a number of reasons, decided on feathers.

What's even more interesting is that none of the colours picked are colours I would *ever* wear in real life. Granted, the shop didn't have the shades I wanted but still... That fire engine red? Never wear red. Ever. That maroon? I only have that in nailpolish colours. And that bloody bright turquoise? Wouldn't be caught dead in that shade. lol.

I guess what's happening is that I'm stepping outside my comfort zone. Stepping out in a big way. Doing something I wouldn't ordinarily do. Which was the whole idea of celebrating 40 turns around the sun. *small sigh* So I am nervous, but yet excited. And after coasting through life in a semi-limbo for the few years, perhaps this is a good thing.

Guess we'll see how much talent my photographer has, considering his subject matter lol.


og said...

I hope you have SOME pictures taken that you're willing to share.

john said...

You know, really, it's the attitude and personality that comes through. There's not any hiding behind clothing/camoflague. With that in mind, I think you'll be just fine. In all senses of the word.

And it's nice to see you back! I've been wondering where you were.

Fiona Kathleen Hogan said...

Og, I may share the safe ones.

John! :)
Alas, my friend, I am nothing if not sporadic, nowadays... I have been feeling quite listless, restless and aimless lol. A lot of less-lessness! This photoshoot is about the only thing that has any significance currently.

I sincerely hope you, LR and Maddie are doing well. I have been offline of sorts. But I wonder - from time to time - how you guys are doing.

Ranger said...

Sporadic. I know that well. ;) Same with the less-lessness-es. I hope that, where ever you are mentally it's at least a peaceful spot.
We're doing ok-ish here, with the usual ups and downs. Maddie is fine and happy. She doesn't know it yet, but she's being prepped for her annual visit to the in-laws winter palace. TRAUMA! But she'll deal.
Come by and visit sometime. You're always welcome.